A 2004 University of Vermont study of “relatively happy, nondistressed couples” indicated that couples who practiced mindfulness saw notable improvements to their amount of “relationship happiness”. Moreover, they experienced improved and healthier degrees of “relationship stress, stress coping efficacy, and overall stress”. The reason being mindfulness is a conscious practice that fosters compassion for one’s self as well as for others.
We’re human; conflicts are unfortunately a a part of life’s journey. Within a relationships where two individual characters must compromise and collaborate together in constant closeness, it’s natural that individuals won’t always see eye to eye with each other. Imagine this kind of instance, whenever your stress or negative emotions are triggered by something your spouse says and does (and also by your ensuing reaction).
Anger is an immediate response and bitterness is the path; These emotions call forth reactions as an alternative to principled responses. Countless regrettable actions and thoughts happen in such moments. I once did a talk in a bookstore and noted the phrase “Sticks and stones may break bone tissues but words won’t ever hurt us” was inaccurate-thoughtless and cruel words might cause lasting damage, leaving emotional scars that fester long after brittle bones have been healed. There were a songwriter in the audience named Sarah Malcom; she subsequently wrote music entitled: “Sticks and Stones May Break My Bones, But Words Can Break My Soul.”
Rather than keeping this negativity, you’ll be able to consciously choose to behave differently. Let’s notice it together. Picture yourself in that heated moment when you are flooded with anger, resentment, and judgement. What if you were able to feel and acknowledge those emotions without reacting destructively toward yourself or your partner?
Remember that you don’t need to be physically and even verbally abusive to be violent. Even thoughts may be destructive, especially because they are inadvertently reflected within our attitudes and behaviors. For instance, you are going to become withdrawn and demanding within the argument when you’re thinking toxic thoughts. The other person’s negativity feeds off yours, and the opposite way round, and before long you’ve probably both said or done regrettable things.
Practice observing your brewing emotions and thoughts without getting distracted by them. And instead, you will want to strike when the iron is cold? Allow yourself to cool off and funky off, and share how you feel and thoughts when you are ready and are able to clarity and compassion.
You won’t regret it.
“Prejudice of any sort signifies that you are identified with the thinking mind.
It implies you don’t start to see the other man anymore, but only your individual thought of that man. To lessen the aliveness of one other man with a concept is definitely a type of violence.” -Ekhart Tolle
PRACTICE
Suppose happen to be on a sailboat in the ocean, and navigating these waves is the lifetime of life. Regardless of how well you adjust the sails or gun the engine, you’ll inevitably be blown off track sometimes. The most capable fishermen and sailors understand that sometimes a very important thing you’ll be able to do-or the one thing you’ll be able to do-is to easily ride your storm. Allow the feelings blow due to you after which pass. Ride your mental storm. It’s simply a cascade of chemicals, you understand, determined by fear. These are simply waves that wash over you.
Haven’t you noticed that it’s much easier to stay afloat whenever you relax the body rather than whenever you tense up and panic within the water?
Embrace the storms, then, on the journey. Don’t resist them, but don’t let yourself drown in their drama either. Keep yourself grounded with your mantras:
Storms always pass. You shouldn’t have to panic or fear.
Ride your storm. Feelings blow through me… feelings blow out of me…
Later I will analyze the storm. Now We need only observe it. Now I will hold on tight and survive.
Later, you’ve got the clarity of mind to sit down and much better analyze the storm, and also to know very well what caused it. You can even get the lessons you learned by observing the storm: what feelings and resistance have you notice?
What helped you survive? How will you get this transition easier later on?
Make use of the storm as a possible chance to gain potentially profitable new skills to temper your emotional upheavals. Especially, remember that storms certainly are a a part of life, but you possess the chance to navigate the right path through them. You will always come back to calm clear skies.
“Obstacles tend not to block the road; those are the path.” -Anonymous
Dr. Linda Miles is an author and psychotherapist. Her latest book is Improve your Story, Improve your Brain available through Amazon or her website www.drlindamiles.com
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