A 2004 University of Vermont study of “relatively happy, nondistressed couples” indicated that couples who practiced mindfulness saw notable improvements with their level of “relationship happiness”. Moreover, they experienced improved and healthier levels of “relationship stress, stress coping efficacy, and overall stress”. For the reason that mindfulness is a conscious practice that fosters compassion for one’s self as well as others.
We’re human; conflicts are an unavoidable section of life’s journey. Inside a Mindfulness where two individual characters must compromise and collaborate together in constant proximity, it’s natural we won’t always see eye to eye with one another. Imagine this kind of instance, as soon as your stress or negative emotions are triggered by something your companion says and does (and by your ensuing reaction).
Anger can be an immediate response and bitterness could be the path; These emotions call forth reactions rather than principled responses. So many regrettable actions and thoughts occur in such moments. I remember when i did a talk in a bookstore and noted that this phrase “Sticks and stones may break our bones but words won’t ever hurt us” was inaccurate-thoughtless and cruel words might cause lasting damage, leaving emotional scars that fester for a while following brittle bones have already been healed. There was a songwriter within the audience named Sarah Malcom; she subsequently wrote music entitled: “Sticks and Stones May Break My Bones, But Words Can Break My Soul.”
Rather than holding on to this negativity, you can consciously opt to behave differently. Let’s consider it together. Picture yourself in that heated moment if you are flooded with anger, resentment, and judgement. Suppose you had been capable of feel and acknowledge those emotions without reacting destructively toward yourself or maybe your partner?
Keep in mind that you don’t need to be physically as well as verbally abusive to get violent. Even thoughts may be destructive, especially because they’re inadvertently reflected within our attitudes and behaviors. As an example, you’ll become withdrawn and critical in an argument when you’re thinking toxic thoughts. One other person’s negativity feeds off yours, and the other way around, and before long you’ve probably both said or done regrettable things.
Practice observing your brewing emotions and thoughts without getting distracted by them. And instead, have you thought to strike when the iron is cold? Let yourself cool off and cool off, and share your feelings and thoughts if you are ready and they are competent at clarity and compassion.
You won’t be sorry.
“Prejudice of any kind ensures that you are identified with all the thinking mind.
It means you don’t begin to see the other man anymore, but only your individual idea of that man. To cut back the aliveness of another man with a concept is already a kind of violence.” -Ekhart Tolle
PRACTICE
That is amazing you are well on a sailboat within the ocean, and navigating these waves could be the length of life. No matter how you adjust the sails or gun the engine, you’ll inevitably be blown astray sometimes. Probably the most capable fishermen and sailors know that sometimes a good thing you can do-or the only thing you can do-is to simply ride the storm. Permit the feelings blow through you then pass. Ride out of the mental storm. It’s only a cascade of chemicals, you know, based on fear. These are simply waves that wash over you.
Haven’t you noticed that it’s much better to stay afloat once you relax your system as an alternative to once you tense up and panic in the water?
Embrace the storms, then, on your own journey. Don’t resist them, but don’t allow yourself to drown in their drama either. Remain grounded using these mantras:
Storms always pass. You don’t have to panic or fear.
Ride the storm. Feelings blow through me… feelings fly out of me…
Later Let me analyze the storm. Now We need only observe it. Now Let me wait and survive.
Later, you’ve got the clarity of mind to sit down and much better analyze the storm, also to know what caused it. You can even find the lessons you learned by observing the storm: what feelings and resistance would you notice?
What helped you survive? How can you choose this transition easier in the foreseeable future?
Use the storm just as one chance to gain potentially profitable new skills to temper your emotional upheavals. Most importantly, keep in mind that storms really are a section of life, but you contain the capability to navigate your way through them. You are going to always go back to calm clear skies.
“Obstacles usually do not block the way; these are the path.” -Anonymous
Dr. Linda Miles can be an author and psychotherapist. Her latest book is Make positive changes to Story, Make positive changes to Brain available through Amazon or her website www.drlindamiles.com
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