A 2004 University of Vermont study of “relatively happy, nondistressed couples” showed that couples who practiced mindfulness saw notable improvements with their degree of “relationship happiness”. In addition, they experienced improved and healthier numbers of “relationship stress, stress coping efficacy, and overall stress”. It is because mindfulness is often a conscious practice that fosters compassion for one’s self and for others.
We’re human; conflicts are unfortunately a part of life’s journey. In a anxiety where two individual characters must compromise and collaborate together in constant proximity, it’s natural that we won’t always see eye to eye collectively. Imagine this instance, as soon as your stress or negative emotions are triggered by something your lover says and does (through your ensuing reaction).
Anger is surely an immediate response and bitterness will be the path; These emotions call forth reactions rather than principled responses. Countless regrettable thoughts and actions take place in such moments. I remember when i did a chat in a bookstore and noted how the phrase “Sticks and stones may break your bones but words will not hurt us” was inaccurate-thoughtless and cruel words can cause lasting damage, leaving emotional scars that fester long after brittle bones have already been healed. There were a songwriter in the audience named Sarah Malcom; she subsequently wrote music entitled: “Sticks and Stones May Break My Bones, But Words Can Break My Soul.”
As opposed to keeping this negativity, you can consciously decide to behave differently. Let’s visualize it together. Picture yourself in that heated moment when you are flooded with anger, resentment, and judgement. Let’s say you had been able to feel and acknowledge those emotions without reacting destructively toward yourself or your partner?
Remember that you don’t should be physically and even verbally abusive to get violent. Even thoughts could be destructive, especially as they are inadvertently reflected inside our attitudes and behaviors. For example, you may become withdrawn and important in an argument when you’re thinking toxic thoughts. One other person’s negativity feeds off yours, and the opposite way round, and before very long you’ve probably both said or done regrettable things.
Practice observing your brewing emotions and thoughts without getting distracted by them. And instead, why don’t you strike when the iron is cold? Allow yourself to cool down and funky off, and share your heartaches and thoughts when you are ready and so are capable of clarity and compassion.
You won’t be sorry.
“Prejudice of any sort signifies that you are identified using the thinking mind.
It indicates you don’t begin to see the other human being anymore, but only your own personal thought of that human being. To lessen the aliveness of one other human being into a concept has already been a type of violence.” -Ekhart Tolle
PRACTICE
Suppose that you’re on a sailboat in the ocean, and navigating these waves will be the length of life. Regardless how you adjust the sails or gun the engine, you’ll inevitably be blown off course sometimes. Essentially the most capable fishermen and sailors understand that sometimes the best thing you can do-or the one thing you can do-is to only ride your storm. Permit the feelings blow through you after which pass. Ride out your mental storm. It’s merely a cascade of chemicals, you understand, based on fear. These are merely waves that wash over you.
Haven’t you remarked that it’s much better to stay afloat when you relax one’s body instead of when you tense up and panic in water?
Embrace the storms, then, in your journey. Don’t resist them, but don’t let yourself drown in their drama either. Keep yourself grounded with these mantras:
Storms always pass. You don’t have to panic or fear.
Ride your storm. Feelings blow through me… feelings fly out of me…
Later I will analyze the storm. Now I need only observe it. Now I will wait and pull through.
Later, you will have the clarity of mind to sit down and much better analyze the storm, also to understand what caused it. You can also get the lessons you learned by observing the storm: what feelings and resistance would you notice?
What helped you pull through? How may you get this to transition easier in the foreseeable future?
Use the storm just as one possibility to gain potentially profitable new skills to temper your emotional upheavals. Especially, do not forget that storms certainly are a part of life, but you contain the capability to navigate the right path through them. You’ll always come back to calm clear skies.
“Obstacles tend not to block the path; these are path.” -Anonymous
Dr. Linda Miles is surely an author and psychotherapist. Her latest book is Improve your Story, Improve your Brain available through Amazon or her website www.drlindamiles.com
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